First Blush
by The Scarlet Sky
Summary: Because falling for someone is easy. Loving them? That's the hard part. And when is it being selfish to follow your heart, instead of your family? Because sometimes...it's just easier to lie. Kai x Popuri x Jack. FoMT, longfic. Popuri's POV.
1. Chapter 1

**Note**: I _know_ I said no more longfics. Well, I can't shake this. And I'm writing this for me more than anyone, so I can't guarantee updating schedules, perfection, etc etc… It's funny admitting that this will be personal. You're not supposed to admit that, haha. But this is something to occupy me for the moment. To express my feelings. And oddly enough, I find myself relating to Popuri a lot, when I used to announce "she's so hard to write! Blahblahblah." I'm also planning to reply to reviews in chapters—I've always, always wanted to, and I find myself being unable to reply personally anymore since I'm a lazyface.

Well. Shall we?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the opinions expressed in this tale.

_First Blush_

**Chapter One**

When I was just a kid, Momma gave me two rules about men: "Don't trust a man who tells you he'll show you the world, and don't open your heart for the first boy who asks." So in my little skirt, huffing behind her, I insisted, "But _why_, why not?" and she sighed and announced, "Because Popuri, you just might marry him."

That year, Rick slammed a lot of doors. It scared the chickens a lot, and I'd have to hurry behind them to shoo them back behind their fence. My big brother would sometimes just lean against the wall, cover his face with his hands, and I'd be running over to my mom to tattle tale about him not working again as he shrugged off the weight of the world.

So basically, my father left us that year. Well, not _left_ us left us, but ran off to find a cure for my mother's disease. One little flower could cure her, but that one little flower was forever away, so Daddy packed up, kissed my mother goodbye, twirled me about in a final hug, and shook Ricky's hand. Ricky didn't let go of it for a long while.

"Come back soon, okay, Dad?"

"Don't worry, son. I will."

…We're still waiting.

* * *

Lots of people find themselves in love with love. They sigh and they swoon at the flowers, the whispers late at night, and the beautiful array of a lover's gifts: the timeline of a romance. On my dresser, I can see mine just fine, though only I know of the bandana stuffed into my drawer. And I know it's silly, and I know it's childish, but I take out that bandana every night. I breathe in the scent of ocean and air, of pineapples and sand. I snuggle it close to my heart, because that way he's close to me, and I guess…

I guess that's what women need. Closeness.

"Poppy, honey, your brother might need a little help outside with the chickens."

Then the scarf is shoved back into the drawer and I skip down the stairs, shouting, "Coming, Momma!" without a care in the world. Momma has skin like lily petals, white and smooth and frail. People used to say I have skin like that. When the sickness spread in her, well, it stopped being a compliment I guess.

"Rickyyyyy, you're doing it wrong." My brother wipes the sweat from his eyes and smirks at me; the sun's been beating on his poor skin all day, and that silly boy isn't going to get the chickens in the pen if he keeps swearing at them like that. "I'll handle it, mk?"

He shrugs. "Let your big brother do his job."

"No, I don't think I will," I decide, and before he can fight me, I grab the chicken feed from his hands, and we begin twirling about, struggling as a shower of chicken feed flies overhead. "Let go!" I laugh, and my brother joins me in my happiness, chuckling as the chickens scamper about us and eat up the feed from our feet. I fall to the ground, double over, and grin. "Hahaha, is it so hard to let someone else take over for you?"

"You'd be surprised," he admits, and I laugh harder.

"Pfft. So serious."

"Yeah, well, it's part of being the head of the family."

I throw chicken feed at him and giggle more. "You and your 'head of family' speeches! Geez, no wonder Karen has been following you around with puppy eyes lately. You're not giving her any fun."

"Wh-what the hell do you know about fun anyway?" he sputters. I have said exactly what I need to make my brother blush red behind those spectacles, and I regret it only when he adds the second half: "Did you and Kai this summer--?"

"For Goddess sakes, Rick! Nothing happened, you paranoid person you." I brush the dirt from my dress and shove the feed back in his able hands. "Sheesh, fine, do it all yourself. Bossy."

I don't know when it became easy to lie. It just happened, like growing up happens and falling in love happens and being hurt can't be stopped. I toss my hair behind me--a ridiculous cotton candy fluff of pink--and I skip to my room. "Kai, Kai, Kai," every step says as I scamper. "Lie, lie, lie."

When did this begin again? When exactly did I throw myself into this big obnoxious mess? My pillow isn't giving me my answers, but that bandana in my drawer just might.

Mary says it helps to write out your problems. She's my only confidante this whole time, the only soul besides this little book who will know everything I have endured and will endure. Oh, I sound so dramatic…well, it's not so bad. Except it is.

….Except it wasn't supposed to be.

A book can't really judge me for my actions. I kind of like that idea. After all, um, being judged isn't a very nice thing, is it? I don't like it. I kind of wilt at it a bit, like a flower scared to bloom. Especially when it's someone I love causing me to shrink.

So…what to write now. I feel kind of awkward now that I actually have to, haha. Bottling things makes them hard to express once you get a chance to. Um, I guess I begin by saying it's not true. That love takes care of itself, I mean.

Honestly? No one ever tells you how much love hurts.

You think of fireworks, of the soft touch of someone's lips on your own, snuggling under a blanket, whispering sweet nothing in your lover's ear. That's what I was told, anyway. That's what I believed.

And I wouldn't say love isn't worth it, or that love is a big messy mistake, except love just…isn't always like that. It'd be nice if it was! Oh Goddess, I'd adore that. And it hurts, sometimes, to know that the beautiful wondrous feeling fades, and that all you're left doing is hugging a pillow, crying, wondering how exactly your life went wrong.

My name is Popuri. And even though I tell you all this, I still don't quite know what love is. 


	2. Chapter 2

_Oh my God, I've always wanted to do this, and hopefully it won't annoy you guys…not too much anyway. xD_

**Luune: **To be honest, I get excited when I see you reviewing anything I've written. xD I'm so happy you like this so far, even though my plot is vague. Promise that I'll fix that in a bit. Anyway, it's lovely to see you again, and I hope I don't let cha down!

**Mikan-senpai:** Oh, wow, really? I love hearing that, writing is such a beautiful thing and I know _I_ get excited when I read something that inspires me. I'm actually kind of flattered, haha, I hope I can keep that up. And I hope someone types you that. :)

**Pyro Rapter77:** I've noticed that, people don't think you can write Popuri seriously and in character at once. I'm hoping I can fit that balance, but then again, I just might slip up. But the goal is not to! Thanks for the support, appreciate it muchly.

**Shimmerleaf: **Isn't it nice to relate to a character? I always get excited when a piece of work touches me like that, and I'm so glad this story can do that for you.

**Mage the Observer: **Haha, we'll see if I can handle it, hm?

**Miss Rouge Apple: **Yeah to be honest, I'm almost writing myself into Popuri sometimes here. It's quite odd! But she's such a delightful character, and I love being able to make her relatable to both myself and the readers. Thanks for reviewing!

**Sugarapplesweet: **Oh, Sugar, the _relief_ that sweeps through me when you say Popuri is in-character, haha! I was worried about that, I feel like sometimes I might be messing up. I'm glad you think she's kosher. ^.^

**Ekoaleko: **Babe, I get so freakishly happy when you say stuff like that. Because it's like, oh my God, that's the feeling I get when _you_ write! Haha, also thanks for saying my stuff is unique…sometimes I think I repeat myself. A lot.

**Rose that Blooms in Secret: **Rose! Gah, I miss you, girl! Yeah I'm still here, and I hope you don't kill me for failing on Skyping you on a regular basis. And hopefully it is insightful! That is the goal. :D

**Smash Genesis: **Pfft, I don't hate you! I actually have plans for Karen, just more as a big sister, not a best friend. There's a difference of sorts there. But thanks for the feedback, and I definitely will take it into consideration.

Read away!

**Chapter Two**

Just so you know, I strongly believe my family is one of the best in the world. Sometimes I tease Ricky, and sometimes he gets his angry face, but in the end I wouldn't trade him for anyone or anything. My momma doesn't even need an explanation. I guess sometimes the one person I'm iffy about is Dad. It's been a terribly long time. I don't pretend to remember him well at all.

But there's Karen, and she's the sister lacking in my family.

"C'mon, Poppy, we're getting you out of this house, I swear to Goddess you'll go to mothballs like your brother." She's the one who grabs me by the arm and drags me to the mall, gets me to buy cute adorable expensive dresses, and defends me from Ricky when he says that's "a stupid way to spend money." Every time I've ever fought my brother, she's come to my side, and it helps that he'll never physically attack the woman he's dating. "Popuri, once you meet the right guy, you'll know what buttons you can and cannot press."

"Ricky has a ton of those."

"Yeah, well, I'm good at figuring things out aren't I?"

I'd giggle and she'd laugh, and then I'd hug my legs closer to myself. "Ahh, Karen. I'm kind of jealous."

"Oh?"

"You've had Ricky loving you forever. I mean, I…" I squeezed my eyes shut. "Well, not too many people here could, I mean, see me that way. The way Ricky sees you."

Well, I don't really blame them. The doctor stood over ten years my senior, I'd annoyed Gray a little too often to appear more than a pesky teenage girl, and honestly, I think I scared Cliff. The only reason I know all this? I feel silly admitting it, but it's because I _tried_ to get them to see me this way. And Karen kept assuring me it could be done.

So while it'd be easy to blame her for my lapse in judgment the day Kai arrived? I'd never do that.

I know far too well it's my own fault.

* * *

"Hey, hey, slow down there. You'll kill yourself, eating that fast."

I wiped my mouth and grinned, licking sticky strawberry off my lips. I'd never had this before, whatever it was. But I knew I'd be up for more—and I _planned_ to be. "It's amazing. You made this?"

"Snow cones aren't rocket science, kid."

My shoulders sank. "I'm seventeen." I guess my bust still hadn't improved any. Or maybe adults didn't giggle or smile as much as I did. Either way, the first time I approached Kai, I'd dressed imagining myself to be Karen or…well, or someone else taken seriously. I started taking slower draughts of the dessert, crossing my legs and hoping I wasn't blushing as red as I felt.

_He's beautiful. He's single. And he's the only person in this whole place who hasn't already written you off._

I feel shallow writing that. Thoughts are thoughts, though. I used to talk to Pastor Carter about that, about "thinking the wrong thing," and he'd say, "Oh, Popuri, you sweet girl, that's not wrong at all. Actions are wrong, not thoughts."

Now I love Pastor Carter and all? But now I'm not sure if that's true. I feel sort of silly thinking about my motives now…like I really was a child.

Not sure if I'm still one or not.

I can admit this to a journal, but I tried _so_ hard to get the attention I wanted. I flipped my hair. I giggled. I crossed and uncrossed my legs. Ricky would kill me, but I bought a push-up bra. None of it worked exactly the way I'd expected.

See, Kai would laugh at me.

"You are something else, kid. Something else entirely." And I began to love his laugh, not because I'd caused it? But because it was just a beautiful thing to hear. Bohemian, almost. I don't know when my intent changed from dating to just hearing that laugh.

But it did. So when _his_ intent changed, I guess I...?

"Do you ever think about how big the world is?"

I rocked my heels back and forth against the wall of the Snack Shack. He'd only just opened the door and I flashed a brilliant smile his way. I remember the sun was setting, because he had the loveliest background behind him: a bleeding sun his halo as it dipped down into the sea. "Popuri, I didn't see you there," he chuckled, and I felt my heart beat a little faster at his voice.

"Well, do you? 'Cause it's all I think about lately."

"If you wanted a snow cone, I can run back in and make you some."

"You probably know better than I do, though. How big this world is." I pursed my lips and looked at him. "Where have you gone exactly? Probably a ton of amazing places."

He had a bemused look on his face. I guess he'd started to get used to my persistence lately, started to find it amusing. My heartbeat sped up when he sidled beside me, his velvet voice saying, "Yeah, I guess maybe a few."

"I've only been here. It's so dull sometimes." I kicked at the sand and sighed. "I mean, I've never gone to a city, ever, except when Karen takes me to the mall. But like…I don't know. You're lucky."

"Hah. Maybe to you."

"Hm?"

"What's wrong with living in one place, Popuri? Having friends, a family, all that good stuff." He laughed. "Me, I've got snow cones. And they're just cold."

I watched the final rays of the sun splash against his features and a sad smile spread across his lips. Then, in a little voice, I said, "Don't be silly! We're friends, aren't we?"

And when he didn't say anything, it felt like the most natural thing in the world to take his arm and hold him close, and to add, "Well, you're my friend, anyway. Whether you like it or not."

My heart didn't jump until his hands tousled my hair and settled on my neck. I completely and totally forgot everything in that moment. Every nerve in my body screamed, and some sort of masochistic voice in me whispered, _Hold me closer. Please?_

"Hey, Popuri."

"Mm?" I squeaked.

"You're cute."

And just like that, ten thousand little butterflies broke free within me; my legs quivered; my tongue fell silent. _And his hand is on your neck. Oh my God, he said you're cute, and he's holding you close. Popuri, breathe. Breathe…_

I exhaled sharply, and only when I was brave enough to look up I saw Kai's little smirk as he studied me up and down. "You silly little thing," he chuckled. "Look at you, you're blushing." His hand cupped my cheek; the alarm within me grew and the little voice got louder all at once.

"Um…"

"Hm?"

"I--I have to go."

_Don't let me go. Hold me back._

I ducked from under his hands and whipped away from him, stumbling home in a heat I'd never known or expected. Momma looked up at me funny, said, "Popuri, darling, why are you so flushed?"

"I ran home. I, um, wanted to have dinner as soon as it was done!" Why couldn't I breathe properly? And why wouldn't my heart stop racing? Ricky flashed me a curious glance but I ignored him too, just dashed upstairs and hid my face in my pillow.

I couldn't stop shaking.

* * *

I've never told anyone that. I suppose it's Kai and I's little secret, how much of a child I really am inside. Right now just the very memory makes me want to hug my pillow and shut my eyes tight. How strange it feels, when someone wants to feel your skin, wants to say sweet things in your ear. So much stranger when…

Well, I'm childish, aren't I?

I've talked with Karen, even Ann and sometimes Mary, about that. Um, it's weird to admit it, but they're not as strange as I am. Like, about this affection thing. I mean I love it, I do, but it also scares me. I'm…weak to it, I suppose?

Yep. It's silly.

Mary says she used to be like that at first, but that now she adores it. Maybe I need time? I don't know. I'm not sure. It's odd, though, odd odd odd. Like I'm not as grown up as I'm supposed to be.

Anyway, I'll write later. See, Jack is at the door, and Jack…I'll get to him eventually. Haha, I'd tell you why, but…I still have so much to say. So be patient, okay?


	3. Chapter 3

_Guess who remembered to finish her chapter! Yeah, yeah, it's been forever, and half of you are probably no longer caring about this story at all. But oh well, I wrote stuff, and…yep that's it!_

**Mage the Observer:** Heh. We all have a little niche or style in our writing. Mine just happens to be…self-discovery and personal growth nonsense. Or something. You've got your own that I'm weak at wielding, too. ;)

**Miss Rouge Apple:** Beauty and the Beast was my childhood, I swear! Beautiful movie. And I'm glad you like the style, it took a lot of pondering to decide on the journal outline. Glad you're enjoying it so far!

**Smash Genesis:** Ah, I was going for the "self-correcting" thing I'm giving Popuri. She strikes me as someone who isn't used to her opinions being validated, and so she's unsure about putting them forward. I guess I'm trying to make Popuri human, instead of some ditzy sugar-high cartoon. Hopefully I'm succeeding!

**Sugarapplesweet**: I know right? What is with all these girls who rock at the flirting game?! And I can't tell you how many people I know that want to date simply so their family can stop harping on them for being alone. Ridiculous, that's what I say.

**Rose that Blooms in Secret:** Aw, thanks. I'm glad you think so, your opinion matters a lot to me. Btw, congrats to you and Josh, this summer is going to be a-maz-ing for you two. ;)

**IslandClan's Owlstar: **Hey, thanks, glad to have you on board! I'm not sure what genre I'm going for here…I guess it's sort of a romance? Haha, anyway, I'm glad it interested you enough to review. :)

**Broik**: Another penname that I like of yours! Haha, sorry that you're not first this time, I'm not sure what order I'm going in…this time I'm going from oldest to newest, idk. Popuri is so cute, I love writing her, and I love delving into her brain. She's a woman and a child at once, and it makes her romances fascinating to explore. (Wow, I sound dorky here. xD)

**Lorelei547**: Haha, totally makes sense, I was worried that it wouldn't be in character but I like what I'm doing…because I'm biased. Glad it piqued your interest, and thanks for giving my view of Popuri a chance. :D

**The Laughing Libra:** Oh, thanks, I'm trying to make her identifiable, so hearing that happened makes me happy. :D A serious Popuri fic can be done! Maybe! I'm going to try!

**Tanookie**: Will you be my damsel? ;) Oh, this girl's personality is a slippery slope for sure, but I'm going to try really hard to balance it out. And love triangle? What, pfft, uh um….course not! -cough-

**Chapter Three**

It's occurring to me I shouldn't keep this journal in plain sight. Well, of course, but I still don't know if a little drawer is the right place to hide it. Then again, Ricky would never dare to look in my underwear drawer, so…I don't know. I guess I'm just being paranoid. I'm afraid I won't be entirely open if I don't feel safe.

Anyway. So Kai had scared me.

I began to avoid the Snack Shack, not in super obvious ways, just chose to go other places instead of the beach. No one noticed, not really. Well, except Kai, and how couldn't he know?

"Yo, Popuri, I'm gonna grab some food at Kai's. Wanna come with?"

I tucked my knees close to my chest and pretended to be interested in the chickens clucking around me. "Iunno. Snow cones are weird."

"Weird?"

"They disappear in your mouth."

"Huh, I guess they do." Karen scratched her head and gave me a funny look. I ignored that too. "Well, okay, I won't force you to go get snow cones from a cute guy if you don't want to. Later, girl."

I felt so confused. I shut my eyes and shook my head; isn't that what I'd wanted? To get a guy to romance me? So how come when I got what I wanted, all I wanted was for it to stop?

It kind of worried me. A lot.

I started walking around the forest. I got in the habit of picking lots and lots of flowers to clear my mind; I've always loved flowers, how pretty and sweet-smelling they are. I'd gather huge fistfuls of them and hold them close, sometimes giving them as gifts to Momma and other times just making little flower chains to wear around my neck.

But mostly? I'd go to Goddess Spring.

I don't know what I think about the Harvest Goddess. She doesn't seem too dreadfully powerful, not if she can't stop Momma from being sick, but then again I'm sure she's quite busy. Anyway, I believed in her enough to float a little flower on her lake's surface, and whisper, "Um, if you wouldn't mind…make me not so childish anymore?"

And other times, I'd take a flower, and…play that little kid's game. "Does he like me or does he not." I'd do that. But I'd always be too scared to finish.

I don't know which answer scared me more.

"Hey, you."

I stiffened at the voice and stopped lounging about by the spring. Rushing to sit upright, I turn my head about wildly, and I squeaked, "Um, I'm not here?"

"Sure you are." And then I saw his reflection in the spring, smiling at me. I had only to lift my eyes to see him standing on the other side. My heart beat just a little faster. "Haven't seen you around."

"Oh. I've been busy."

He raised an eyebrow at the flower chain crowning my head. "I can see that."

"Hmmph." I made a face and stood up. "Well," I said, dusting off my skirt, "I'm off to be doing _other_ busy things."

"Haha, like what?"

"L-leaving." I turned to go, but my dress betrayed me, tripping my feet so I fell on my face. I was glad at least I had one thing hidden from view: my blushing red cheeks. Mortified, I laid still, and instead of the laughter I'd expected, a hand extended before me.

"Hey, kid. Let me help you up."

I kind of trembled a bit as he pulled me up, and when I looked into his eyes I felt like standing was the most difficult thing in the world. As if he could read my mind, he put a steady arm around my shoulders. My skin prickled.

"It's been kind of dull without you at the Snack Shack, to be honest." Kai grinned. "No one else talks as much as you, or makes those funny faces when they bite too much ice at once."

I looked away. "Um, sorry."

"No, it's okay. You're busy, right?" He drew a flower from the crown about my head, fingers catching on my tangled hair. He studied it. Smiled. "I'd say lots of people wish they could be 'busy' like you."

"They don't," I muttered.

"Growing up isn't all it's cracked up to be." He laughed again. "I've fought it all the way. But I still have a job, still have responsibilities and such to keep me busy. Tell you what, I'd trade with you and your flowers any day."

He slipped his arm away from me and began to pluck the petals of the flower, and despite myself, I began to frantically count as each one fell: _he likes me, he likes me not, he likes me, he likes me not…_

"About the last time we saw each other." _He likes me, he likes me not… _"I was out of line."

I blinked; he cast the flower to the ground. "You didn't do—"

"Popuri, I can read faces, especially yours. I understand. You were just…I don't know, you were too _cute_. I couldn't help myself."

"O-oh."

He grinned. "Kind of like right now. You're blushing again."

I covered my face without thinking. "Um…I…no, I'm not?"

"_Goddess_, I want to hug you, is that horrible?" He shook his head and laughed. "Here I am apologizing for last time and all I want is to do it again. Whatever it was I did."

Everything in me went still again. My lips opened. Closed. He watched it all, and I felt the heat rise up again, the girlish terror overtaking me. And still that voice was whispering, _You want him to. You know you do. Why so scared, little girl?_

"A hug m-might be okay."

"You sure?"

I swallowed. "Yeah. It's just a hug."

Strong, welcoming arms enveloped me; I couldn't escape now, I couldn't run this time. He smelled really nice, like salt and sea. I tried to focus on that as his hands pressed closer against me, running up my spine, finding my neck, caressing. I shuddered as he whispered in my ear, "Is this okay?"

"Mhm," I forced out.

"I should stop." He chuckled. "I really don't want to, but I should." His hands fell back to his sides, and Kai flashed me an apologetic smile. "Maybe you were right to keep away. The more I think about you, the closer I want to get. I don't know why you get me so crazy, I guess you're just maddeningly different, and I love that."

"Different?"

"You're like this little damsel, and I just want to sweep you off your feet or something—you're not like those girls who love back harder, it's new to you, it's…_Goddess_, it's cute." He put his hands behind his head and laughed again. "I want to ask you out, but I just know you'll shut me down. I mean look at you! You're shaking."

I forced my knees to be still. "Not really."

"Haha, kid, you really are something else. Something…else…" He shook his head. "That's a good idea, keeping away from you. Alright, I'm going to leave you alone, okay? You're a good girl, you don't need some sailor boy going after you."

"I don't…mind…"

He silenced me with a finger on my lips. "Don't say stuff like that, because I _will_ take you up on it. Think about it, flower girl. Don't rush."

Just like that, he left, and I fell to my knees in the clearing. My heart pounded in my ears. I picked up the flower left behind, tried valiantly to remember where I had left off.

My mind buzzed, and all the answers ceased to matter.

* * *

Sometimes I kind of chickened out of seeing Kai by going to the library. I figured if the forest hadn't worked for me, then it made sense to bury my face in Mary's books. I really do like Mary; we used to just barely know each other, though. It made barging into her library with my happy singy-song voice kind of awkward at first, but somehow I have a gift for making things more fun. Well, okay, making people smile.

Mary has a pretty smile, even if she doesn't show it much.

"So! Your favorite book!"

"Umm? I don't know?"

"Oh, come on, Mary! There's gotta be one."

She bit her lip and looked away. Mary has this nervous habit where she fiddles with her glasses, which is especially funny when she's taken them off and forgotten they're not there. I giggle at her and she blushes, but we both wind up laughing when she does. She really ought to laugh more.

"I don't think it's fair to choose a favorite. They're all wonderful in different ways."

"Oh, don't want to hurt the books' _feelings_, I see."

"N-no…! I just, um, well I don't know." Her fingers fiddled with her glasses and her cheeks flushed pink. "I've been reading lots of romance lately, but they're certainly not the best."

"Ooooh, romance?!"

"Shh, calm down!"

But it was too late, I was bouncing up and down in my seat and grinning ear to ear. "Who is it?! Who's the lucky boy, Mary, you're turning all adorable and shy, teeellll meeeeee!" I pouted. "Please?"

Her dark eyes glanced away from my pleading gaze, and she picked up another book to wipe the dust from its cover. "I don't want to be premature," the librarian said finally. "He hasn't said anything, so neither will I. I want to be…practical."

I wrinkled my nose. "Ew. Practical."

"Besides, you silly girl, you never talk about your love life to me, do you?" She smiled gently at me and folded her hands in her lap. "There's been rumors about you and Kai, you know."

"Kai—?" My amiable nature ceased. "Um. What about him?"

"It's just Manna, you know, she always lets that tongue of hers go too far. _Oh_! It's a lie isn't it? I'm so sorry, Popuri, I didn't mean to assume!"

I bit my lip. "Well, Manna just…likes…being mean."

"I'll tell my mother at once and she'll get this cleared up, don't worry."

"Okay."

My friend patted me on the head, smiled up at me, and began to rattle off some book titles that could _potentially_ be her favorite. I kept looking down, nodding, but I'd lost my smile and couldn't find it.

* * *

One thing I'd liked about Kai was that he seemed to understand I needed space. If we walked along the same street, he'd turn around and go the other way with a patient little grin. At first I found it embarrassing. It didn't help stop Manna's stories, anyway.

But this way, I didn't need to make small talk, or excuses, or explain my irrational fears. So I pretended life was the same as before, and pretended…and pretended…which is what children are best at, isn't it?

"Fireworks festival is toniiight." Karen skipped into our kitchen, grinning, and pumped her fist into the air. "We get to blow crap up and it gets to look pretty! Alright!"

Momma chuckled as she scrambled the eggs and I giggled. My brother's girlfriend stole across the room to look over my shoulder and wink at me. "And this pretty lady right here is my date this evening, am I right?"

See, here's what happens. I don't have a date for the fireworks festivals, well, usually. I mean I didn't! Urgh. How to explain. Well anyway, it was tradition to form a group of my brother, Karen, and me. All of us were each other's dates, and we'd try and guess which fireworks would sparkle brightest. If one of us was right, that person would get to choose where we ate afterwards, and we'd all spend the night together. It started when I was little and would be jealous of all the couples…Ricky finally sighed and said, "I'll be your date, Poppy, okay?" It just stuck. Even after Ricky started dating.

It's really nice of Karen to let me do that, actually. Not all girlfriends would be willing to spend a romantic evening with their boyfriend's sister. But she never minded or complained once—in fact, she looked forward to it.

"We're still on for tonight, right, gorgeous?" she'd tease and laugh.

I'd been excited, too. I suppose I should've been nervous, but all I could think about was ice cream and fireworks and my family and fun. I'd dressed up in my swimsuit, then covered it with my favorite gown, juuuust in case we decided to go swimming again this year. Ricky had a vendetta against bikinis for some reason, but I'd smuggled this one into my clothing drawer thanks to help from a certain shopkeeper's daughter. I liked it: a white two piece with daisy flower borders. If Ricky wanted to blow up about it, he still couldn't make me take off the only suit I'd brought with me. So there.

I love Mineral Town sometimes. It's all cutesy and close-knit and adorable. The city isn't like that, you know? You can't see the entire town sitting on a beach—and even if you could, you wouldn't know everybody. Momma, being herself, brought some of her famous desserts to share with everyone, and me being me, I skipped along behind her and helped hand them all out.

"Here you go, Mr. Gotz!" I chirped, and he smiled, that grizzly beard twisting funny with his lips. "Hope you like chocolate chip, that's what we've got this year."

"Any food works for me, especially when it's your mom's cooking."

"Or when it's homemade cookies," I added. I peeked a glance over my shoulder, and Rick and Karen had already spread out their blanket and were cuddling all cutesy-like. I snickered: Ricky would _die_ if a guy put his hand there on me.

A hand touched my shoulder. "Cookies? Nice."

Okay, so I might have squeaked a little bit. And maybe I almost dropped the cookies. But I hadn't seen Kai in days, maybe weeks, and to suddenly hear his voice and see his face made my head spin. "What—oh, cookies. Right." I held the tray towards him awkwardly. "Take one. If you want."

He did, and kept appraising me as he ate. I shrunk a bit under those amber eyes and I think it made him smile. Well, he smiled a lot, so I couldn't tell why he did sometimes. But I always feel like it's something I did.

"Pretty good. You made them?"

"No, my mom did."

"She's a good cook." A pause. "She's, uh, the one with the--?"

"The sickness? Mhm. You can talk about it, it doesn't bother me anymore," I mumbled.

He rubbed the back of his head; it caused his bandana to sway funny. "Actually, I was going to say the one with the chicken farm, but okay."

"…Oh."

A joyous cry sounded behind us, and the crackle of the first firework exploded into the air. It whistled as it soared, then exploded into a volley of sparks, lighting the sky scarlet. "It's so pretty," I murmured. Kai chuckled. "Wh-what?"

"You."

"Me?"

"You're easily amused."

Ricky and Karen snuggled closer in the distance, and something in me sank a little bit at the thought of joining them. It's funny, I felt as if I should, but that if I did, it'd be different than in the years past. So without realizing what I was doing, I had followed Kai to the dock and sat down beside him. He raised an eyebrow but didn't stop me. I cleared my throat in the silence.

"I feel like fireworks make summer _feel_ like summer."

"What else is summer supposed to feel like?" Kai laughed.

I glowered. "N-not what I meant."

"Heh." He stretched and looked at me with a half-grin. "Nah, I got what you were trying to say. Maybe that's why I like fireworks so much, they remind me that it's my favorite time of year."

The conversation lapsed as green sparks filled the air. I couldn't help it; I exclaimed and grinned like a four year old, and Kai just shook his head at me. "See that one over there?!" I pointed to an unused firecracker. "I bet that's the one that'll be the prettiest."

"Funny, I would've bet on the one beside it."

"Well, you'd bet wrong."

He smirked. "Is that so?"

"Yes. In fact, Ricky and Karen and I do this every year, and I usually win." It was half-true; Karen won the most, but I was better than Ricky.

"Huh. So what happens when you win?"

I sat up straighter and craned my neck upwards to see the next event. "I get to choose how we spend the night," I answered.

"Oh, really?"

"Uh huh." All of a sudden, I leaned forward and squealed. "Oh, oh! They're doing mine next!"

A shower of pink and purple lit up the night, and I clapped and shouted along with the little kids in the crowd. It'd never bothered me that I did that before; but looking at Kai now, suddenly, I felt very silly for doing so.

"That only leaves mine," Kai mused.

"Well, it's not going to win," I replied staunchly.

I should've known that fate wouldn't favor me that day. I can still close my eyes and see it: a rainbow of light reflected on the sea, shimmering colors clothing the stars for a brief moment. I could've hold my amazement in. I couldn't stop smiling.

"Do you see that?! Oh my Goddess, it's lovely! Beautiful!"

"I actually brought that one," I heard him murmur, and I turned to see him beaming brighter than even I was. "I wanted to start out on the right foot in this village. You like it?"

"I love it!"

"Good. Because this means," Kai murmured, leaning closer, "I have you to myself all evening."

Everything in me stilled; his hand strayed to my neck once more, but this time tilted my head towards him. The last time I'd been so close to a man's face, I'd been at the doctor's getting checked on after finding out about my mother's disease. I'd felt strange then, too, with a man's eyes so close to my own.

This felt…so, so much stranger.

"You have…opal eyes," I whispered. I swallowed, my mouth dry.

His thumb reached under my chin. "Huh. Wasn't aware." I stayed fixed on them, and they flickered from my eyes to my lips, then back at my eyes. "Yours are ruby."

"Well, they're more like—"

A tongue pushed its way past my words, and I squirmed as he crushed his lips against mine. It felt…moist, warm, sticky. My whole body reacted, and I couldn't explain why it did, when all that had been breached was my mouth. He released me, and cool air breathed back in. "More like what?" he whispered in my ear.

"Um."

"Um?"

I glanced back at the other villagers. No one had cared enough to see. My secret, then. "I…you didn't give me time to prepare."

"And how would you have prepared?"

I looked away. "Somehow?"

Nothing could have prepared me, could it? Nothing at all.

I'd been expecting something out of my first kiss, but I don't think it was that. I don't know what it was anymore. I forget now. Why should a first kiss be special, anyway? I forget that too…I think I forget a lot of things about what love was supposed to be. Which is silly, isn't it?

…Isn't it?


	4. Chapter 4

_Argh, I haven't touched this story since 2009! Talk about procrastination. I was thinking about it the other day and wrote for it, though. Might be rusty, I haven't been writing as much lately, but it's something. Hope you enjoy it!_

**Miss Rouge Apple: **I did make Popuri shy, but I wanted to convey her innocence and girlishness somehow. I'm trying to contrast that with Mary's sort of introversion in places to show the differences between them, because this is very much a coming-of-age story for Popuri. Glad you're enjoying it so far!

**sugarapplesweet: **Can I get an amen, sister? ;) Romance drives me bonkers because I can so rarely relate to the characters. I'm trying to be really honest in this with Popuri, relieved to know someone relates to our pink-haired heroine!

**Smash Genesis: **The family is one of my favorite aspects of Popuri, too. Growing up in a big family myself, I feel like I can relate on that point-and ah! I didn't notice I do that dialogue thing so often! I'll work on it.

**klutz586:** Thanks! Last thing I want to do is make Popuri look like an idiot, good to know she's IC. :D

**Mage the Observer: **-cracks the whip- Get working, you. I updated, about time you did, too. ;)

**WildfireDreams: **Well thank you! I'm not sure about CliffxAnn, but if the opportunity presented itself, I could stick a sliver of that in. I'm a sucker for it, myself.

**Lorelei547:** I'm here! I updated! Phew! Do I owe you an overdue fee? I have to warn you, I'm poor and can't afford much! Don't send the fanfic police on me, please, I have so much to live for! (But seriously, thank you, your reviews brighten my day!)

**RabbitArchangel:** Thanks a bunch! Nice to have you on board.

**Tefalie:** Aw shucks, I'm not doing great for someone who hasn't updated in two years, but hopefully this chapter will remedy that!

**Chapter Four**

Fireworks is the sort of magic that only lasts a moment—and that's less time than fairy dust lasts, or magic pumpkin carriages, or even holy water. Doesn't give a girl much time to think, really. For a moment, everything's bright and beautiful, and the next, you can't see an inch in front of your face. You're just reaching into the darkness hoping somebody reaches back.

Rick's voice saved me when the lights when out. "Popuri!" he called to me, and Kai let go of my hands in the night, let me find my brother's hands instead. "Hey, did you see that? Wasn't it incredible?"

I nodded, but I didn't really mean it.

Despite how honest I am to you, journal, I think I lie a lot to myself. When I try to remember that first kiss, I always make it slower, gentler, and I pretend there's a lot of sparks there that I know weren't there at all. Makes it feel more worth it. And who's to tell me otherwise, you know? It's my memory. Who can tell me I'm wrong?

Well. I guess you can, now.

Morning after that, Rick and I stumbled downstairs sleepy and lopsided. My hair's thick, you see, doesn't really handle pillows well. And I didn't sleep at all, not a wink, just kept hugging my pillow and blushing redder than a ripe tomato.

"You look like a cotton candy booth gone wrong," Ricky quipped from his chair.

"Looks like a chicken pecked all over your nose," I retorted, and my brother subconsciously covered his freckles. Plopping onto my seat, I flashed a smile at my mother and chirped, "Momma, what's for breakfast today?"

"Pancakes," she answered, barely looking up from the counter. "So I expect you two to behave, now, if you have any intention of getting seconds."

Immediately we both went quiet. Normally, my family sticks to real simple foods. Scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, sunny-side-up eggs, omelettes…well the point is we have a lotta eggs around here. Sugar, flour, and the like? Generally we get that when we're doing especially well.

"Karen stopped by, huh?" Rick commented. She does that, sometimes. If there's a surplus over at the general store, Karen sneaks a few bags of sugar over, bakes a cake with me to surprise my mom. Ricky always gets all mad, says we need to pay her, that we can't ruin her business with charity. Personally, I think it's the nicest thing and he should get mad about more important stuff. Like…starving children in other countries. Like that.

"No, actually," Momma said, humming as she brought over our pancakes. "That nice young man by the way said he had some extra sugar and flour, asked if we had any use for it. Very well-spoken boy."

"Cliff?" Rick asked—because despite what Ricky thinks he knows about everything, he can be pretty dumb sometimes. "I thought he was still looking for a job."

"No, not Cliff. That foreign young man…Kai, I believe he said his name was."

I ducked in my seat, hoping maybe I could disappear beneath the table as my brother knit his eyebrows in confusion. Frowning, he said, "Kai's a chef, why would he have extra sugar and flour? That doesn't make sense, Momma, it must be someone else."

I ducked lower and lower until my eyes were level with my pancake.

"Maybe so," Momma said lightly, and she smiled again. "He asked to see Popuri this morning, but for once, you two were lazybones and didn't get up out of your beds at sun-up. Got here at dawn, he did."

Comprehension flashed across Ricky's features and a dark ruddy color overtook his face—I couldn't tell if he was embarrassed, or angry, or just really, really red. "Aha. Popuri. Well." He cleared his throat noisily. Took a giant forkful of pancake and forced it into his mouth. "Ahm not hokay wiff dat. Ahh meen, waddawe know aboot hem?"

"Small bites, dear," my mother said gently, tucking a napkin into his hand. "And we know that he intends to court a lady, don't we, Popuri?"

I sank lower in my seat and squeaked as I slid out of my chair and hit the floor with a shriek. At first everyone got all worried, but it didn't take long for the laughter to begin: "Oh, Popuri, you silly thing, what are you doing down there?" Laughter got rid of all the tension, and pushed away all this Kai talk. Even Ricky had begun to look constipated instead of incensed.

"That's my kid sister," Ricky snorted, pushing up his glasses. "Always finding herself in all the wrong places."

You can't get rid of a persistent boy by hiding under tables all the time, though. Not that it stopped me from trying. Yet every morning after that, there was a pink rose on our doorstep. Momma put 'em all in a vase, said it was a shame to keep them out of company's sight. Asked when I was going to talk to Kai.

I told her when I had time.

I had a schedule going: Kai's work hours became my free hours, and when Kai was free, I was working on my chickens and chores. Ricky said I was being smart, but I think he was just being Rick.

"It's good to focus on the family," my brother told me gruffly, as if he couldn't find the words he really wanted to say to me. I get that a lot. No one ever talks plainly to me, you know.

But my little plan lasted only a week. Week's not long, if you think about it.

"How long do you intend to prepare this time?"

A week's not long enough to prepare at all.

He'd cornered me outside the library, and my guess is that Mary told her mother to tell Manna to leave me alone, and her mother told Manna that Mary and I had been talking, and Manna told Kai about the library. No secrets in Mineral Town. 'Cept the ones you keep to yourself and your journal, I guess.

"You're supposed to be working now," I hedged, fiddling with my dress.

"Self-employed. I had a talk with myself and figured I deserved a break. Reward for my good behavior and all." Kai grinned and I stifled a tiny laugh, drawing a circle in the sand with my shoe. "Quite the vanishing act you pull, flower girl," he continued, and his voice dropped a bit as he leaned against the library's wall. "Normally I kiss a girl and she's at my door the next day, hoping I'll jog her memory one last time."

Again, I laughed, but it was shaky and I had to avert my eyes. "Sounds like you have…um, a really good system going!" I replied, running a hand through my hair. "Bet you even had a record kept. I'm sorry that I, er, ruined it."

Kai quirked an eyebrow. "Who are you apologizing to exactly, Miss Popuri? Me, or the girls who I don't ever plan on kissing again, and have you to blame for that?"

"I…" I blinked a bit, things getting a bit fuzzy as Kai's face broke into a smile. "Um. That second part. Is that a lot of people?"

"Depends. What's a lot of people to you?"

"More than one," I said, barely audible.

"That is a lot then," he agreed in a serious tone. In a single fluid motion, Kai wrapped his arm around me and stared straight into my eyes so that I couldn't look away this time. I wasn't sure I wanted to. Everything felt warm and funny but nice and I could barely believe I was talking to him at all—I felt like some actress was speaking for me, because Goddess knows I wasn't in control.

"I'm afraid," I whispered as he dipped down to brush his lips against mine.

"Afraid?" Kai paused, looked at me as if he were finally seeing me for the first time. "What do you think I'm going to do to you?" The question came out amused, as if Kai were holding back a laugh at my expense.

"I don't know," I admitted.

"You're a silly girl."

"I am silly," I mumbled in agreement, chewing my lip. "Very silly."

"Kiss me, Popuri." My eyes went wide as saucers, and a tiny smile spread from the corner of Kai's mouth. "If you want," he added, and my shoulders relaxed a bit. "But you know I'm going to be here, every morning, leaving sugar, flour, and roses at your door until you do."

"And if I do kiss you?" I replied, squaring my shoulders and facing him with as much coolness as I could muster.

"Well I figure it'll take more than roses to keep you kissing me, won't it?"

I don't think I'm a very good kisser. I can say that because I've never kissed myself, you see. And I don't think I could, unless you count practicing with the mirror, but I only did that once and I heard Ricky coming up the stairs and it startled me something awful.

Even though I kissed Kai that afternoon? He led me. He guided me, and I guess that's because he's been with other girls, better kissers than me, girls who know what they're doing. And I don't really know much of anything, 'cept things Karen told me that made Ricky blush sometimes.

I remember being really nervous that second time. I wanted to be a woman, for once, if that makes sense. A startled girl gets kissed, you know. But a woman kisses back.

Teacher and student, those roles aren't quite the same as man and woman. Not that I had a choice. Not that any other relationship starts out quite equal, I guess. And something had to have been done right, if he were smiling at me like that. Something had to have balanced, somehow.

"What are your plans for the rest of the summer?" Kai breathed into my ear.

"I plan on apologizing to a lot of women," I answered, gazing up into his eyes. "And planting a lot of roses."

"A lot, huh. How much is a lot?"

"As many as it takes," I said, and I kissed him again, because maybe I'd get it right this time, because I wanted to learn everything Kai had to teach me so I could never disappoint him. He held me tight and safe in his arms, and we tried again and again to find even ground, until everything was soft and warm and I couldn't tell if it was just the summer heat, or love, or…something else completely.

Mary shrieked when she came out of the library and saw us standing there like that. Dropped all her books, got flustered and stammered something before scattering off to her house.

Rick didn't scream when I came home, unable to suppress my smile as I giggled and blushed my way into the house. But he grunted. And he didn't say a word when he stormed up the stairs.


End file.
